it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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