i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
