maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
