I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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