did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
