People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
