Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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