your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
