Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
