I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
