not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
