and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you had me at cake vodka
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
