this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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