My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
