We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
