i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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