Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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