The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
