we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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