is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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