If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my liver is dry heaving
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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