i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
