Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
