Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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