Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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