i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
