She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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