ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
