i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
