he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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