maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
