Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
