I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
