Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
