It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
