dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What a dumb baby whore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
