I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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