At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't deserve a penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
