I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
