omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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