had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
