youre lurking in front of me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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