Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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