Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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