There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
