I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
try to milk me bitch
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