i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
