I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
