I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
