And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
