I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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