Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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